Do Gingers Have Souls????

This post is so far off of the topics of weight loss, getting healthy, being a better mom, and PCOS.  This is going to be a semi pissy rant. You may want to stop reading if foul language insults you in any way.

I was born a redhead.  When my paternal aunt visited in the hospital she whispered to my mom, “Don’t worry, we can always dye her hair.”  Thus began my life as a “ginger.  I did a little research into where the term ginger originated. There is a lot of bullshit floating around Google and Wikipedia surrounding the topic.

The following are a few examples of what I found:

Contrary to most people’s experience, ginger root (Zingiber officinale) is not the only ginger plant in existence. The ginger plant of Malaysia, Alpinia purpurata, is a brilliant red. In the late 18th century and the 19th century the British occupied parts of Malaysia (among other countries), and started coming into regular contact with the Red Ginger. This is the same period during which “ginger” came to mean “red-haired” or “red-plumed.” Brits were not fond of the Gaelic Celts, many of whom had red hair.  The term “ginger or ginga” took on a derogatory tone. “

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“Those whose hair is red, of a certain peculiar shade, are unmistakably vampires. It is significant that in ancient Egypt, as Manetho tells us, human sacrifices were offered at the grave of Osiris, and the victims were red-haired men who were burned, their ashes being scattered far and wide by winnowing-fans. It is held by some authorities that this was done to fertilize the fields and produce a bounteous harvest, red-hair symbolizing the golden wealth of the corn. But these men were called Typhonians, and were representatives not of Osiris but of his evil rival Typhon, whose hair was red.”

“Describing a redhead as a ‘ginger’ is actually a very old tradition (unfortunately). In ancient times, people believed that red hair was a sign that you had ‘stolen the fires of hell’, and were a witch. Since witches were rumored to use a lot of ginger in their potions and whatnot, they called any and all redheads ‘gingers’. It went out of style for a very long time but has somehow found it’s way back to present times. So maybe people should rethink their use of that word, since calling someone a ginger could have killed them centuries ago, whether you were joking or not.”

To be honest, I don’t really care where the term came from.  I’m almost positive that I don’t like it though.  The word itself is actually cute.  However, I’m beginning to hate it.  And this is probably why:

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And my all time favorite!

 

SERIOUSLY??????????????????????? What the hell? If someone ever kicked me because I had red hair, I’d punch them in the throat! This isn’t funny. I find no humor in it what-so-ever.

Ok Wonka, let’s discuss the theories that women with red hair have fiery tempers and are over-sexualized. I am a bit on the bitchy side and quick to get pissed off.  I don’t know if that’s because my hair is orange, I have a hormonal imbalance, or if I was just born that way.  I’d lean towards that last reason, but who the fuck knows. As for being over-sexualized… I don’t kiss and tell.

and um, her hair is not naturally that color! The drapes do not match the carpet if you know what I’m saying!

All kidding aside, Martin Luther King Day is coming up and I hope that everyone can put their political, cultural, sexual and any other type of biases aside and be nice to each other.  Because if you don’t, I may come for you in the dead of night and eat your soul!

For those of you who truly know me, you know that this post was written with a bit of sarcasm.  The term ginger doesn’t really bother me, except for the kicking part.  Redheaded step child on the other hand……

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Resolutions, shmezolutions…who needs em’

Who loses 3 1/2 pounds over the Christmas holiday????? This girl!!  Now, I can chalk this up to two main factors.  ONE- I don’t like ham and I have to be in the mood for chili and meatballs.  This is what my amazing mom made for Christmas Eve.  I picked at the chips and onion dip (my favorite since as long as I can remember.) Five years ago, I started hosting Christmas day lunch/dinner.  I made prime rib the first year, YUM!!! Every year since then, my husband and brothers have requested chicken and eggplant parm.  Apparently this wee little redhead lass cooks bomb Italian food.  I just don’t like to eat it.  So, you guessed it, I picked at chips and dip again.  I stayed away from the deserts, and other snackies, and I didn’t even drink.  There are 2 unopened bottles of Moscato in my fridge. At least I’m all set for New Year’s Eve!

TWO- We, like most well-meaning parents went a tad bit overboard assisting Santa financially.  Therefore, I have no food in this house, except left over Italian, and no funds to buy any more!!! (I’m kidding, I’m pretty sure we have enough money to go food shopping, so don’t worry about us Mom!)

Let’s talk New Year’s Eve.  Referring  back to the “I hate most people” statement I made in a previous blog, it should not surprise you when I say, “I hate going out on New Year’s Eve, there are too many people, making jackasses out of themselves.  I would much rather stay at home, watch my husband and son make pizza, snuggle on the couch, fight to stay awake until midnight,and ultimately pass out around 11:20PM anyway.”

I am also not a big resolution person.  Let’s face it, most resolutions are forgotten about by February 20th, give or take a week or so.

HOWEVER,this year,I am making two promises to my husband and children.  I promise to be less of a crazy person, (no offense to any actual crazy people out there who may be reading my blog.) I also promise to make healthier choices.  I don’t want to be the mom who cannot run and play with her kids, or who doesn’t get in any pictures because she’s embarrassed by how she looks. I also don’t want to be the mom who has a freaking breakdown when we cannot find a hat, the popcorn spills all over the floor, or a stain won’t come out.  (And wouldn’t you know it, while I was typing this, my sweet little girl smushed gum into our living room carpet.) I have managed to stop stressing over the debt we have accumulated.  It is what it is, and we have to deal with it. When I pay the bills, I no longer cry and worry till I make myself puke.  This is a huge accomplishment.  But, I cannot figure out how to stop buggin’ over the little things.

And yes, my children are now yelling at our pets, this insanity needs to stop!         stock photo : Mom yelling at Girl with Speech Balloons-- child-like illustration

I thought that as the little things pile up, I eventually can no longer cope and I lose it.  My darling husband pointed out to me that I cannot deal with ANYTHING anymore.  So, now the entire “Internets” (see funny resolution cartoon above!) knows what my promises are.  I encourage all of you, no, I demand that if any of you see me doing something unhealthy (stuffing my face with something greasy and yummy, or sitting around when I should be moving) or you witness me at the early stages of a flip-out over something trivial, smack me, punch me in the throat, shriek at me…for the love of God, do something!!! They say it takes a village to raise a child, but in my case it’s going to take a mob to help me calm the fuck down and lose weight!

   Luv, Col

And the angels cried…

It has been over a month since my last blog entry. Tis the season I suppose. With Thanksgiving, getting ready for Christmas, big changes at my work and the hubby’s, life has been beyond hectic. I tried to sit down a week ago tonight and write about the tragic incident in Newtown CT, but I couldn’t allow my mind to even attempt to process what had happened. Earlier that morning, a co-worker had left Boston.com open on a computer. I happened to walk by and noticed the bright red Breaking News banner. I called another colleague over and just pointed. At that time, the news was only reporting that there had been casualties. Throughout the day, as the news turned more and more disgusting, my usually loud, boisterous school grew more and more somber. Staff walked around with either vacant stares, or glossy eyes.

I left work and clung to my children. My husband had a hard time leaving for work that night. I wanted to watch the news, but it was just too much. I found myself scrolling over Facebook statuses that mentioned it. I was not being cold-hearted, I was in survival mode. I can not comprehend the pain the parents of those beautiful children are experiencing. I never want to. I, like every other parent in the world was thinking what if? And I, like every other educator in the world was thinking what if? My husband said to me, “this is probably hitting all you teachers a little more than everyone else, huh?” I thought about that for a minute. I love my own children more than life itself and I would not want to put myself in a situation that could possibly take me from them, but I also love my students and they too are someone’s world. I would do what I can only hope that Jake and Rowan’s teachers would do.  I would do what many others would do. So many people talk about how awful humans have become.  But every day, people do amazingly unselfish acts to help other people. There are millions of “good people” in this world.  Let’s not forget that.  Let’s always try to be “good people.”

I want to live each day to its fullest. I don’t want to worry about insignificant things like dirty dishes, unfolded laundry, pet hair on school uniforms, or mounting debt. Dishes will get washed, clothes will find their way to the appropriate drawers/closets, kindergartners will wear their clean uniforms to school and come home looking like they wore them to war, and bills will get paid.

Please have a very Merry Christmas, celebrate life with your families, give lots of long, tight hugs and tell people you love them.

12/14/12

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What Are You Thankful For?

I’m not really sure where to start.  I am VERY thankful for so many people, and so many “things.”  As a woman with PCOS, I lived my life in fear that I would never be able to have children. Thanks to a dedicated doctor, and a very patient husband, I have two amazing, beautiful, and hilarious miracles! My children are my everything.

I am thankful for my husband, who puts up with all of my shit and  loves me the way I am, (chub and all.) My husband is an awesome daddy, and he works extremely hard to provide for us.

I am thankful for my family, who are probably the most supportive people you will ever meet. No family is perfect no matter how impeccable they appear to be.  Behind the smiles and closed doors, we all are dealing with difficult crap on a daily basis.  My family is no exception. (And by family, I’m referring to my immediate and extended families.) Time, distance, disagreements all get in the way, but when the shit hits the fan, all of those obstacles disappear, and I am truly thankful for that.

I am thankful for my friends, who make me laugh and listen to me cry. I miss some of them… a lot!

I am thankful for my job.  I am literally stressed to the fucking max on a daily basis, but I love it, and it pays the bills (well, some of them.)

I have truly been blessed with the most random, but also the most wondrous group of people in my life!

Now, let’s discuss Thanksgiving…..dinner.  As someone who is struggling with their weight, holidays are always on the list of possible catastrophes.  I am constantly on the lookout for tips on how to successfully navigate the abundance of holiday food traps.  Perhaps this lady has the right idea!

Our First Lady does have some stellar arms.  All you Republicans cannot take that away from her!

Some of you believe it’s wise to fuel up on Thanksgiving in preparation for Black Friday shopping.  I think you people have some significant psychiatric issues!  (Except you, Emily!) I know that I just wrote about how thankful I am for all of the people in my life, but that does not mean that I am thankful for all people. I’m going to let some of you in on a well-kept secret; people piss me off! I don’t enjoy being around most people.  It’s best for all involved if I do not partake in the carnage known as Black Friday.

So let’s recap…

 

Happy Thanksgiving Everyone!

Confessions of a Cry-aholic

I went through a somewhat dark time in my life, when I cried…a lot. And the time lasted YEARS. I was not miserable all of the time. However, I cried when I was angry. I cried when I was sad. I cried when I was worried. I even cried when I was happy. I couldn’t help it. I am not really sure when crying became my one and only coping mechanism. Here I was, instructing students diagnosed with emotional/behavioral disorders on how to express themselves appropriately, positively, and effectively, and I was secretly an emotional mess. Sure, we can once again blame PCOS for fucking with my hormone levels, but really….I cannot point all my fingers at that wretched disease. I too was to blame.

Something happened a few months ago. I really cannot figure out what exactly IT was, but something changed. I still worry. I still get angry. I still get sad. My kids try my patience on a minutely basis. My husband still procrastinates like there’s no tomorrow. My job is still ridiculous. I am still in debt and will be for the foreseeable future. My family continues to have their issues. My house continues to fall apart. But I stopped crying. In fact, up until two nights ago, I couldn’t cry. I think I was literally all cried out! Not-so-pleasant things have occurred in the past few months, and no tears, not a one. This past week, I had yet another cyst grow until it ruptured. I couldn’t sleep, I couldn’t sit, I certainly couldn’t physically escort a student, but I did all of those things and not one tear fell from my eyes. Until two nights ago.

We were at Target and my son wanted another Spider-Man watch. We said no..no…..no again……and NO! He would not let up. We arrived at the check-out and he was still trying to reason with us. Then, he went all kinds of crazy. He yelled. He stomped his feet. He crossed his little arms and said, “I’m getting the watch.” I had already taken the watch and left it at the end of another checkout line. I took his hand and proceeded to pull him a little. He dug his heels in and grabbed the end of the conveyor belt thing. I proceeded to try to remove him. He wouldn’t let go. That’s when I lost it. I started laughing at him. His confused little face was so adorable. He said, “Ma, why are you laughing at me?” I turned my back to the 4 people now looking at me in complete disbelief and looked at my husband. I calmly stated, “I’m about to put my own child into a restraint, and carry him out of Target.” My husband finished paying and left me with my daughter, while he went to my son. I carried my daughter to the car and heard her say, “Aww, poor Jake.”

He cried the entire way home. I said horrible things about embarrassing me, and being ungrateful. He calmed down after we got home. I felt like complete shit. We both apologized and hugged. I left and said I was going for a ride. I never left the driveway. I sat and cried. It was the first good cry I had had in a long time. I think I needed it.I don’t think it’s the beginning of me crying a river again, but it’s nice to know that I am still capable of a little release.

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On another note, I’m still trying to watch what I eat, and I have a new plan to get my ass moving. I’ll let you know how it goes.

and remember………Crying..

Riddle Me This?!?

So, I’m down a size in jeans!! BUT, I haven’t really lost any significant weight, and after seeing pictures of me from yesterday, I’m more discouraged than ever. My face looks as bloated as my stomach! Boo…

I never dress up on Halloween. Mainly because I can never find anything in my size. My husband and my kids usually coordinate and I stand in the background dressed like a mom. This year, my son begged me to be Black Widow from the Avengers. Really?!?! Scarlett Johannson, probably the most perfect woman on the planet, plays Black Widow. My stomach sank and I had to hold back tears. How do I tell my son no again this year. But how do I compete with this? I’d need some serious liposuction, some boobs, extensions, collagen injections…..!


But why do I need to compete? What inside me makes me feel so inadequate? Of course I could blame society for its views towards women, but I cannot change a cultural ideal. What I can change is my own self-image. I am a good person. I am a super mom and an awesome wife, daughter, sister, aunt, and friend. I’m good at my job. I make a difference, and I’m working on my body,and I desperately need to keep reminding myself of that. I do not want my daughter to be raised by a woman who is embarrassed of herself, or who feels “not good enough!” I want her to know that she is perfect, no matter what.  I want her to be strong, and self-assured.

I think I’m finally done hiding in the background.

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Happy Halloween!
Miss you Nana Burkey! 10/31/1993

Here Comes Some Motivation

So, about a week ago, I wrote an amazing post.  It was all about throwing myself a huge pity party, how my husband and I work our asses off (I wish literally) and have only an ever-increasing amount of debt to show for it.  I wrote about motivation (wanting to be healthy for my children and husband)  and needing a swift kick in the ass to make me exercise.  It was funny.  I liked my post.  I hit post and this website sent me a little message about an error on their part and something about apologies.  Really?!?!?!  All I saw was “Nice job pouring out your heart in such a witty way. Now fuck you….it’s gone!  So, I took a little break.

I’m back, as is my period 

I should be happy about my angry functioning uterus.  I recently joined a group on Facebook for women with PCOS.  As bad as I think I have it, there are so many women suffering way worse than I am. I have been reading story after story about couples trying to conceive a child for 5, 10, 20 years.  Stories of miscarriages, surgeries, horrible doctors, and non-supportive family. I have been blessed.  I have two amazing, miracle children, an extremely understanding family, and I live so close to the most amazing hospitals/doctors in the world.

Some of the women in this Facebook group have joined together for a 90 day challenge to work on their minds, bodies, and lifestyles.  Since I started this blog for the same reasons, I was eager to join, and learn from and rely on other women dealing with similar issues.  The first task was to create a motivational board.  Here’s mine: (my real board has 1 different picture on it. But, that picture cannot be shared until after Halloween out of respect for my husband’s wish! I’ll switch this board on a later date.)

I am back to tracking my food.  This week my goal is to track some exercise besides chasing middle school children around the hallways, while bobbing, weaving, and ducking from the random objects hurled at my head every day.

                                                                                                                                    Happy October!!!

Have an inspired week!

Sick of being sick

Of course I’m sick and tired of dealing with all the shit that comes with my PCOS, but I’ve had the mother of all colds since last Saturday. I have on and off fevers, a sore throat, sinus and nasal congestion,and a cough that sounds like I smoke a pack a day. Now, all of you mom’s out there…the constant coughing and sneezing is starting to end with me peeing myself!! (You know what I’m talking about!) I have been looking so rough and pale that my bosses have tried sending me home every day this week. I’m thinking about finishing off the bottle of whiskey in my cabinet and passing out.

I guess it doesn’t help that my work days have been completely nuts lately. Some day I’ll write a book about my work as a behavior specialist in a middle school. I’m sure they’ll try to publish it as fiction because no one would ever believe the craziness that is my job.

Diet is ok, exercise needs improving and all I want to know right now is

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Once I finally kick this cold, I’m back to focusing on really improving my health.

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This is short and somewhat boring but I’m tired and currently coughing up what’s left of my lungs….and now I need to go change my panties!

Jogging in my Flip-Flops

Well, I FINALLY lost enough pounds to hit a mini milestone. However, with that said, I’m not too excited, as I’ll most likely gain and lose those 2 pounds for another week or so. I just can’t seem to keep losing.

And…I started jogging this week…on accident! My son has this mini 4-wheeler. That freaking thing goes a lot faster than you’d think. We took it out for a ride. (what in God’s name was I thinking?) In thin Reef flip flops and an even flimsier bra, I was forced to jog along side of him, in fear for his life! Though extremely self-conscious of my chub bouncing along with each step; I also felt slightly invigorated. It made me want to take brisk, nightly walks and perhaps even another lil’ jog. So, if you see me out there, strutting my stuff, please keep this in mind:

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(this would be very motivational! Though I may piss myself laughing I’d someone actually did this to me!)

I was on CNN.com or fox news or something and I read that it was national “silent disease” day or something like that. It got me to thinking. So many people are suffering from both physical and mental illnesses that most others cannot see or even fathom for that matter. Before you judge, tease, or stereotype, THINK!

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PCOS Awareness Month

My feet hurt!  I mean they really hurt.  Wearing flip flops all summer and then stupidly putting on a pair of real shoes and busting out a whopping 11,833 steps in the course of 5 hours was just plain dumb.  Knowing that I’d be “running around” a lot more at work this school year, I invested in comfy flats.  Comfy flats that blistered my heels and turned my baby toes into swollen, raw, nubs!

The rest of my body isn’t feeling too hot either.  The “period that never came,” is still wreaking havoc! Yesterday morning, I couldn’t get my rings on.  Throughout both pregnancies, I never had any issues with my rings fitting.  I’m retaining so much fluid- rings are tight, pants won’t button, and I’m just plain old uncomfortable.  I know it’s just bloat, I haven’t gained any weight.  I’m still losing ounces.

Along with the physical implications, I’m an emotional disaster.  Come Thursday when I have to bring my baby boy to kindergarten, I’ll most likely have cried out all the excess water my body’s been hoarding.  Where has the time gone? People say that all of the time, but I never really thought about it.  My son is 5 and is off to full day kindergarten, where he will learn and discover, and make new friends. He’ll gain independence and need me just a little less than he used to. I’m not ready for this, but I know I need to pretend to be! I know he’ll be a little sad and nervous, so I can’t be.  How I’m going to keep my game face on, while I’m a hormonal mess?

As promised, below are the first two of my PCOS facts/awareness posts. Please watch the You tube video!

What are the symptoms of PCOS?

The symptoms of PCOS can vary from woman to woman. Some of the symptoms of PCOS include:

  • Infertility (not able to get pregnant) because of not ovulating. In fact, PCOS is the most common cause of female infertility.
  • Infrequent, absent, and/or irregular menstrual periods
  • Hirsutism (HER-suh-tiz-um) — increased hair growth on the face, chest, stomach, back, thumbs, or toes
  • Cysts on the ovaries
  • Acne, oily skin, or dandruff
  • Weight gain or obesity, usually with extra weight around the waist
  • Male-pattern baldness or thinning hair
  • Patches of skin on the neck, arms, breasts, or thighs that are thick and dark brown or black
  • Skin tags — excess flaps of skin in the armpits or neck area
  • Pelvic pain
  • Anxiety or depression
  • Sleep apnea — when breathing stops for short periods of time while asleep