I know that I have been posting a lot on Facebook about dealing with chronic illness and pain. Some people have been inquiring about what is happening with me.  Here’s my story so far.

I was injured at work in October of 2014.  A very astute orthopedist realized I was not healing the way I should and ran some blood tests.  My inflammation markers were through the roof.  Since then, I have seen 3 different rheumatologists, and have been diagnosed with 3 different types of arthritis and fibromyalgia.  All I know is that my immune system is attacking itself, but I have no idea why. I am in pain every day. Some days are better than others.  When I flare, I cannot walk, I cannot clean my house, I cannot help my kids, I cannot do my job effectively, I cannot be the mom I want to be.  I hate it.  Not being able to do for yourself is a terrible feeling.  Not being able to sleep affects all aspects of your life. Being in pain all of the time makes you MEAN and DEPRESSED. I long for the days when I was only dealing with my PCOS symptoms. I’m told, “exercise helps with arthritis.” However, every time I attempt to exercise, my ankle swells to 4x its normal size, then my knee blows up, only to be followed by my hip. Add to that the fibromyalgia symptoms-stabbing pains in my neck, shoulder and collarbone, and you have one miserable mom, wife, daughter, sister, friend, and teacher.

I’m not writing this for pity.  I’m writing so people understand why I usually turn down invitations to do things.  I’m writing so people do not just assume that I don’t want to attend my kids’ sporting events.  I’m writing so people don’t think that I’m just lazy.  This entire process has not only broken me, it has made me slow down, take time when I’m in pain, and make heartbreaking decisions in regards to missing out on a lot of things. I have to ask for help, a lot! I’m blessed to have so many amazing people in my life.  My husband has been functioning as a single dad for quite some time now.  He cooks, cleans, shops, and takes care of the kids.  My parents and father-in-law drive up from Charlestown on a regular basis.  My mom has cleaned my kitchen and made us dinners.  Our friends have taken our kids to and from school and sports, and have helped to keep my husband sane. My friends have listened to me complain, cry and throw pity parties for myself.

I’m not sure when or if I’ll ever know exactly what is going on.  I can only hope that some treatment plan is developed soon.  In the meantime, I’ll keep asking for help, I’ll keep being sad when I have to miss things, I’ll keep posting random things about chronic pain, and I’ll keep pushing forward. Please keep sending positive thoughts my way.

Just to offer some perspective. This is what I’ve been walking on for over 3 weeks.  The swelling is now in my knees and hips as well.