I haven’t written in a looong time, and I’m not happy about it. Unfortunately, sometimes it’s difficult to find the time to sit down and think!

I have agonized over writing this post, as it may be considered hurtful or offensive.  However, my intention is not to offend.  I hope it causes pause, and possibly sparks a discussion.

“All men are tempted. There is no man that lives that can’t be broken down, provided it is the right temptation, put in the right spot.  ~ Henry Ward Beecher“

People like to throw around words like addict and junkie.  What most people don’t know is the person behind those labels.  Every addict is someone’s mother, father, son, daughter, sister, brother, friend.  It’s easy to judge people, especially people who appear weak.  But what makes a person an addict?  How did their life take such a different turn?  Is it genetic-do the actions of family  influence one’s addictive behaviors? Is it due to a mental illness? Can it be chalked up to just” bad” choices or “bad” friends?  Is is a  reaction to some type of trauma? Addiction is so complex, too many factors come in to play

I know many people who are addicts.  They are some of the most loving, caring, “nice” people…with a problem.  But, this post isn’t really about the addict, it’s about the people who love them.  I had a conversation with my cousin the other night about how from addiction, an absolute, all-consuming selfishness grows.  It’s not an “I’m a spoiled brat selfishness,” or an “I’m entitled selfishness.” It’s a feeling or desire that no one or thing can come between the addict and getting their needs fulfilled.  It’s not done out of hate, anger, or malice.  It controls the addict and leaves everyone in it’s wake destroyed.  It clouds the addict’s ability to see themselves how others see them. It distorts reality and their feelings of love and anger and support.  It tricks them into thinking that they aren’t the one with the problem, and that anyone who thinks otherwise is betraying them.

So what is one to do when this overwhelming selfishness starts to break down families and relationships? When this isn’t happening to you, it’s easy to simply say, “just walk away.” But for those of us who have experienced the gut-wrenching pain, the pain that makes you want to throw up, cry, hit a wall, and hide all at the same time, you know it’s not that easy.  So, you have offered acceptance, forgiveness, support, and love, and still the addiction and the selfishness continues.  Is walking away an act of defeat or abandonment?

I wholeheartedly believe the answer to this is NO!  It’s an act of survival.  If people spend their entire life trying to convince an addict that they are in fact addicted and require help, what kind of life will they have had?  You don’t stop loving or supporting, but you have to start living and growing.  And to be able to do that type of “living,” without an intolerable amount of guilt, is nearly impossible, but it needs to be attempted.

So, be supportive, be calm, set limits, and be loving, and be brave.

And live!