So, I’m down a size in jeans!! BUT, I haven’t really lost any significant weight, and after seeing pictures of me from yesterday, I’m more discouraged than ever. My face looks as bloated as my stomach! Boo…

I never dress up on Halloween. Mainly because I can never find anything in my size. My husband and my kids usually coordinate and I stand in the background dressed like a mom. This year, my son begged me to be Black Widow from the Avengers. Really?!?! Scarlett Johannson, probably the most perfect woman on the planet, plays Black Widow. My stomach sank and I had to hold back tears. How do I tell my son no again this year. But how do I compete with this? I’d need some serious liposuction, some boobs, extensions, collagen injections…..!

But why do I need to compete? What inside me makes me feel so inadequate? Of course I could blame society for its views towards women, but I cannot change a cultural ideal. What I can change is my own self-image. I am a good person. I am a super mom and an awesome wife, daughter, sister, aunt, and friend. I’m good at my job. I make a difference, and I’m working on my body,and I desperately need to keep reminding myself of that. I do not want my daughter to be raised by a woman who is embarrassed of herself, or who feels “not good enough!” I want her to know that she is perfect, no matter what.  I want her to be strong, and self-assured.

I think I’m finally done hiding in the background.

Happy Halloween!
Miss you Nana Burkey! 10/31/1993