We had to pick up my husband’s truck from the shop yesterday afternoon, which just so happens to be neighbors with Target.  I needed picture frames, so we all went in.  Let’s just say the Staples Family “Walmarted” Target.  My kids were in pajamas, dirty pajamas.  My darling daughter was caught more than once donning a man’s straw hat, while barefoot, (I guess I should be happy that she was able to keep the rest of her clothing on) and I looked like I just rolled out of bed.  DISASTER!!  When we finally arrived home, I didn’t want to cook dinner, let alone calculate how many points I had left.  I figured cheeseburgers on the grill would satisfy my kids and my husband would be doing the cooking.  My skinny conscience got the  best of me and I whipped out my phone and clicked on my “smart tracker.” 12 POINTS?!?!?! Holy hell! It wasn’t like I was hoping to eat an Angus burger from the Outback, it was a pathetic little ground beef patty!  12 points didn’t even include ketchup or the 2 pieces of diet bread (which tastes like cardboard shit!) that I was going to have with it. I used to eat cheeseburgers on a real roll with ketchup and sometimes even mayo- gasp!!! No wonder I have enough freaking junk in my trunk to have my very own yard sale!!  I defrosted some chicken and sautéed some green beans with garlic.  Hubby decided he was going to pass on the burgers too.  He went to grilling and I suddenly went in to panic mode. At 6:07 PM, I remembered that my son’s baseball banquet was at 6:00 PM at Papa Gino’s!  As the boys rushed out of the house, I took over cooking.  In my haste to try to grill chicken, I kinda added way too much garlic to the green beans, and that takes us to this morning.

(WARNING – TOO MUCH INFO. COMING…)                                               

I have never digested food correctly.  Sometimes food, mostly roughage, comes out exactly how it goes in.  It blows my friggan mind!  I chew my food.  How the hell does it regenerate in my digestive system? Am I missing all of my stomach acid, and if so, where the eff did it go? Was it replaced with some magical potion that puts all the veggies and fruits back together again?  That’s right….along with the PCOS, I also have Irritable Bowel Syndrome.  But, Colleen cannot just have regular IBS. I have IBS with vasovagal reactions.  “Vasovagal syncope occurs when your body overreacts to triggers, such as the sight of blood or extreme emotional distress. The trigger results in vasovagal syncope — a brief loss of consciousness caused by a sudden drop in your heart rate and blood pressure, which reduces blood flow to your brain.” Basically, the IBS causes such severe pain in my bowel region, that my body doesn’t know what to do.  My fingers start to tingle, I sweat, my skin turns an ugly gray color, I get tunnel vision, and then I’m out!  Again, my poor husband and my mom before him, would be startled by my shaky voice calling, “It’s happening, I need you!”  Cold water, cold compresses, and breathing coaching like I’m in labor, help to bring me back and focused.

Anyway, I digress.  This morning as I rushed to the bathroom with cries of “bap-pap Mama!”  (my daughter’s version of backpack from Dora) I was fearful of what was going to happen.  The green beans and garlic made a return visit.  WOW, did I use too much garlic.  My bathroom smelled like Polcari’s kitchen!! Once I felt better, I made another Green Monstah smoothie.  I never would have thought that I’d be drinking spinach, but it’s pretty tasty, and it didn’t send me running to the toilet.

The day continues…..Today was the first day without a threat of rain.  We packed up the kids and headed to the Franklin Park Zoo.  I decided to wear a tank-top. This honey badger don’t care what people think of her jiggly arms!  (Actually, I do care a little, but it was hot today.) I also went with a skirt, since I don’t wear shorts, except on vacations to Disney.  Well…skirts do not have a buffer for sweaty thighs!  (ugh, chubby girl problems!!)  It wasn’t so bad though.  I didn’t get burned, I didn’t complain, the kids had a lot of fun, I feel like I may have walked some junk out of my trunk ,and my thighs are no worse for the wear.

P.S. Do you know how difficult it is to find something healthy other than salad  at Fuddruckers!?!

Shake that!